Wednesday, September 14, 2011

He paid on our first date & love notes from heaven

Before going grocery shopping on Monday, Theo ran into the bedroom and emerged with his "money bear," a bank I made him from a plastic honey container.  Grabbing two dollars, he gleefully informed me that he would be buying a hot dog at Costco.  (A not-healthy treat we occasionally allow him to consume.)  I told him he didn't need to bring money, that I would buy it for him, and then he said, "But mommy, I'm buying it for you!"

And he did.  I ate it with relish and lots of onions.  (Sorry all our vegan and vegetarian friends!) I bought him one too.  We had a great date.

Yesterday morning I woke up to this.

In case you can't tell, it's a love note.  Theo finds scraps of paper (usually from to-do lists in my purse) and writes notes on them, sticking them up with tape on random walls/furniture of the house, waiting for me to discover their existence.  Yes, my four year old son thinks I'm pretty cool.

You'd think I'd be happy receiving all this affection from my 4 year old (and indeed I am), but it makes me wish I could feel some of Vincent's love.  At 18 months, he was very warmhearted, loved giving hugs and kisses, and after he died I have desperately missed him and his sloppy wet open mouthed smooches, the feel of his head on my chest, and getting my hair pulled as he gurgles "baa baa!"   Since we came home on hospice and he gradually slipped away from us I have felt very far from him indeed.  I know many grieving parents have seen "signs" from their kids, messages of love sent from above, but I'm not one to read into things.  It's just not my style.  So when I see a pristine gray feather on my floor by the bed in the morning, I don't think, "Wow, that must be from Vincent"- instead I think, "Gross, how did that get there?"  (This really did happen a few weeks ago!)  I saw a few more in the kitchen the other morning, too.  I have no idea how these bird feathers are getting into the house during the night.

For all I know, Vincent could be sending me love notes from heaven.  I'll try to keep my eyes peeled and heart open.


Anonymous said...

Theo is so absolutely beautiful and precious....I just love it when children go out of their way to make us happy. They can sense sadness and in their own precious little way, they reach out in love.

I'm glad you enjoy a hot dog...I actually had a really awesome hotdog treat on Tuesday with my sister...but it was probably super unhealthy...deep fried, wrapped in a piece of bacon, with ranch dressing, bbq sauce and, it was good!

And Vincent...those slobbery kisses sound amazing. I know I've never met him, but I can imagine how precious he was and the memories you share make him even more so! Praying that you feel some comfort, in some way, even as we know he is comforted now. (((HUGS)))

Kristin said...

What a sweet and precious son you have! Love notes and paying on a date? Priceless memory treasures.

And maybe those feathers are from Vincent. I pray for you often.

Jana said...

Okay, that made me cry, him wanting to buy you a hotdog and the love note! I literally felt a warming of my heart reading that! And the feather thing, what in the world?! Maybe they are from Vincent, I want to hear more about the feathers!

Rebecca said...

I know Jana, isn't that so sweet! ...As for the feathers, I have no idea how they get in the house. Vincent's grave is always covered in feathers (there's a lot of birds at the cemetery) and for some reason they love his gravestone a lot! I clean a lot of poop off it but I don't mind - he loved watching birds and I'm sure he would be happy at their close proximity to him. Hope you guys are doing OK!

Anonymous said...

"The love notes from heaven" that is a perfect term for the little signs we witness through our days. Whether you read into them or not they brought the thought of your precious Vincent to you in a loving light.

Thanks for sharing this...
God bless,

Rebecca said...

That's true, Michael. They did make me think happily of him!