Wednesday, November 20, 2013


It's that time of year again where this blog suddenly springs to life, documenting yet another day of grief.  November 20.  Apparently it comes every year.  Much like the last two anniversaries of Vincent's passing, this one has brought a resurgence of anxiety, insomnia, online shopping, anger and stress.  Will anything this terrible happen to our family again?  What if we lose another child or they get a life-threatening illness?  Will Andre make it to his second birthday and beyond? Is that a lump I feel in his abdomen?  Is this a sore throat or a vocal nodule?  How will we ever afford to buy a house here on Oahu?  What if we get bed bugs? Is this dry skin or inflammatory breast cancer?

Aaaaaaand repeat from the beginning.

But unlike the last two years, I have gained new ground in this whole grief-work thing. More than ever, I remember him, the sweet Vincent Wing Seun Stringer. And I mourn the loss of him. This has taken a while, but my grief-work is now more about Vincent than about me.  At least most of the time.

Earlier this year we found some occupational therapy papers stuffed in a closet, documenting the progress and regress Vincent made during the course of treatment.  A line jumped out at me- "He has a sense of humor." Yes, he did. He loved to laugh and make others laugh with him. His favorite place to be was home or the beach. He loved his family and stuffed cat (well, pretty much any cat.) His life was brief, but cherished. And the hollow spot I feel in my heart is there, same as always.

But today is not about me.  Today is about you, Vincent.

May you enjoy the great vastness of what Is and may we one day explore it together.  


AGohl said...

I cannot even imagine the grief that you and Dan have experienced. I pray that the Lord continues to bring comfort and healing to your hearts. Hugs.

Sewing Mom said...

I'm truly sorrowing today with you, Rebecca...thinking of all that you and your family have suffered...even now the pain you're still experiencing.((((HUGS)))) I'm so happy that you are able to find new ground and remember the beautiful things about your precious treasure. I will be praying for you I have been...and trusting the Lord will comfort your hearts as you remember more and more about your little man and the great gift he is!

Jan said...

Your family is always on my are all amazing..although vinny was here for a short period..his impact was huge..i send you love today and always..lve you all..

The Penningtons said...

You and Dan are SO strong for this unknown trial you have endured. I pray that God gives you peace, healing, and strength through y'alls loss.. xoxxo

2 Corinthians 1:3-5

God of All Comfort

3 Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, 4 who comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God. 5 For as we share abundantly in Christ's sufferings, so through Christ we share abundantly in comfort too.

Anonymous said...

He did have a sense of humor. I remember him putting that spaghetti strainer on his head like a hat and his adorable smirk that said, "this is f u n n y !" I'm looking forward to laughing with him one of these days. Until then, I'll try to see the humor in the world through his eyes.